My brothers are two of the best friends that a girl could ever have.
That is if you have huge tits a nice plump ass and bucket loads of money. I thought we were in it together; loyal until the day we died, bound by blood. One of those gutless ass holes hung me out to dry and I think you all know who it is...
It happened at none other than Buck's; a typical Tuesday night. Well, I used to think that I know better now that Tuesdays are no longer typical if anything they're even more extraordinary. As I was saying I walked into Buck's in my armor; aka my make-up done, hair straightened, short skirt, and shirt unbuttoned a little more than it should have been. Wearing my slut-like get-up is a way to protect myself. Sure, it sounds totally retarded but it's true. I know that on the inside I'm not a whore but wearing those clothes is like wearing a costume and acting out a part of my life, so if someone gets mad at me they aren't getting made at the real me, they're getting mad at my character. I have an insanely screwed up mind but it makes sense in my head.
But hey, that's how I roll those typical Tuesday nights, I like to spice it up a little, I'd made a tradition to go there every Tuesday and just let loose, get crazy, and let Tulsa's wild child break free. Anyway my brothers and I like to make Tuesday night our night the night we go out party and make all those who hate us hate us more. So I walked into Buck's strutting that famous Shepard strut and swaying my hips a little, I got a few whistles in return and sauntered up to the table in the back where my brothers and their gang sat.
"Hey, I said as I took a seat at the table."
"Tim, ya got anything for me tonight that can make me go really wild? Different than the usual?" I asked. I got high only on Tuesdays, just that one night I had to let go and lose control, the one night where I could be whoever I wanted, is that too much to ask? Apparently so.
"Yeah sure, Angel, here, knock yourself out, he replied with a smirk." I saw Curly out of the corner of my eye shift uncomfortably in his seat.
"Uhh, Tim, I don't mean to mean to shit on your parade but are you sure that' shit's alright? That's LSD, what if she has a bad trip or-,
"Bro, ya gotta trust me, would I give our own little sister something that could seriously harm her? Besides Angel can handle it." I nodded in approval at Tim's trust in me and Curly's over-protectiveness, I grabbed the drugs and went to go sit at the bar. I popped a few pills into my beer and took a swig, a few minutes after, I felt insanely drunk, and I was getting really dizzy so I made my way over to the couch and within minutes my world went black. I woke up, minutes, hours, days later, I didn't know with my clothes off. I looked up at the ceiling and realized I was in a room at Buck's. I rolled over and realized some half naked jerk from my brother's gang had his arm slung across my bare hip. I jumped up and screamed at the top of my lungs and I heard movement from outside the door. Tim came in and stared at me, "What's that matter, Angela, he asked in a calm voice." First of all, I had no idea what was going, second I didn't even know if I had been fucked or what, and third, why was my big brother so calm about all of this? "WHAT'S WRONG?! ARE YOU MENTALLY UNSTABLE WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!" "Just tryin' to make some extra money, that's all, he replied lighting up a smoke."
"YOU WHAT?! YOU'VE BEEN SELLING ME! TIM SHEPARD TELL ME YOUR JOKING!" The greaser next to me had woken up and said, "Naw, he's serious as a heart attack, but lemme tell ya, paying him $100 was well worth it, he said as he scooted closer to me as began to kiss my neck." I screamed at the top of my lungs and thrashed and kicked until he fell off of the bed.
Tim had left me there, with a complete stranger, to do whatever he pleased with me. I had never felt so alone in my life. My own brother had zero respect for me. If I thought my life could get any worse than before, I'd hit an all time low. All of a sudden the last person I expected to see walks in; Ponyboy. I quickly covered the sheets up around me and his eyes bulged out of his head.
"Holy shit, Angela I'm sorry! I didn't see anything..! Didn't mean to interrupt!"
"No, Pony, it's okay trust me, nothing is going on here, this my ass hole of a brother has been selling me to sleazy greasers for months."
And that was when the reality hit me and I hit rock bottom literally. My world went black and I passed out.
To be continued...
Me, Myself & I(:
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Lunatics Unite.
I can't stand people who make excuses. Drives me crazy. But I never thought I'd see the day when I'd start making excuses for someone else.
I heard about how Austin got crazy-ass drunk and went all wacko on Brook. Totally not the kid I knew, then I heard that he went to go and commit suicide and failed. How stupid can ya get? Needless to say I was pissed. And lemme tell ya us Shepards can get pretty damn scary when we're pissed and I gave this kid no mercy when I visited him in the hospital.
I walked in the hospital and immediately I got strange looks from the people around me. I wasn't overly shocked, especially since it was from the male staff. I was wearing a short black skirt and this low cut tank top. Yeah it's fall but hey I like to look nice while I'm partying and I didn't exactly have time between hearing about Austin's shannagins and fist pumping to change my out-fit, I'm only human, but that's besides the point. Anyway, I made my way over to the front desk and asked the lady up there about Austin Brumley.
"He's in room eight-oh-nine, but honey the pregnancy wing is on the fourth floor..."
I gave her a confused look until I figured out what the hell she was talking about. This dumb bitch thought I was pregnant! I could feel my face heating up and before I knew it I was cussing her out left and right until the woman had a break down and I was forced to leave the area. Just cause I dress like a skank doesn't mean I am one, people need to get their facts right.
I walked down the hallway and pressed the elevator's up button and stepped in. I was alone, thank god, I had all this rage bottled up inside, it was awful. I was just so mad I thought I could kill someone. I felt like Dallas during a rumble, like Ponyboy when Britney got married for the second time, blowing up on someone was unavoidable, and that unfortunate soul that I flipped out was Austin.
I stormed into his room without knocking, I was a woman on a mission and I'll be damned if someone gets in my way. He was laying there in his bed playing with a...puppet? I wasn't about to ask I was just about to scream my head off.
I would just like to say that me and Austin have never really hung out before. Sure we were friendly and stuff but we weren't like really good friends before and he was pretty shocked to see me of all people here looking like I wanted to kill him.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, MAN?" I shouted as I charged across the room.
"Hey Angela?" He replied with a confused look his face. "Shut the door, if I'm about to be murdered I'd rather do it so no one can see that I got slaughtered by a chick, he joked."
He was kidding. KIDDING! At a time like this. He was so, so lucky he was in a hospital or my blind rage just may have taken over and killed him. I swear, sometimes when I get mad I'm a completely different person. It scares me to my inner core but I can't control it.
"STOP YOUR KIDDING! NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR KIDDING! ARE YOU CRAZY?!" I screeched waving my hands making crazy gestures that probably made me look stupid.
He just stared down at his little puppet. He looked so lost. Like a little kid looking for his mother. He had lost his way. Lord knows I had too many times to count but I was still pissed and I couldn't stop myself.
"Answer me or I may just fulfill your death wish and kill you myself! Being drunk does not give you the right to go around assaulting people, ya moron! Especially your girlfriend! You're throwing your life away, damn it, and I'm not just gonna sit back and watch a perfectly good person ruin it by not thinking!"
This whole time he didn't say a word. He just stared at his hands and finally he looked at me. His eyes had taken a pleading sad look to them. They weren't reckless or laughing. Just depressed. It made me annoyed that I noticed this because I hated emotions, they ruined everything. Emotions were like walls, you can push them down as many times as you want but they are still there waiting for the worst possible moment to come out and screw it all up and to think that this hooligan was screwing up his life just by one thoughtless action made me so mad I couldn't see. I think he realized how upset I was finally cause he decided to talk to me.
"I couldn't take it. Hurting her, I promised her I wouldn't and I did. I'm just not a good person, I don't deserve her or anybody Else's love. I deserve to die."
"Shut up, no you don't. You just need to get a hold of yourself and your emotions. Don't let your emotions control you and don't let your actions define you. You don't just stop living cause you make a mistake! You fight through it and don't take the easy way out. You may think killing yourself will be better for everyone, when in actuality you're causing everyone more pain. So either get help and listen to me or I can personally kick your ass; your choice pal." I was out of breath after that rant. I was much more calmed down now. I could finally see without black and red spots obstructing parts of my vision.
"Still, he said." "She won't want me now. I hurt her worse than just mentally. I physically hurt her. And that is just purely unacceptable." He practically whispered. He was so close to crying and I wasn't sure why but that made me incredibly sad. I barely knew this kid and I was being really sympathetic? Damn, I must be getting soft because I recommended him to my old therapist. I told him about how I used to cut myself and how I used to be anorexic. We talked a lot and he has agreed to get help. The rest of the time we focused on getting him a cookie because since he was on suicide watch he wasn't allowed anything from the outside, which explained the puppet. How you can kill yourself with a cookie is beyond me, but hey, rules are rules, and they're meant to be broken.
He is on the road to recovery mentally and he is a mess right now. We're one in the same and I now realize that.
I heard about how Austin got crazy-ass drunk and went all wacko on Brook. Totally not the kid I knew, then I heard that he went to go and commit suicide and failed. How stupid can ya get? Needless to say I was pissed. And lemme tell ya us Shepards can get pretty damn scary when we're pissed and I gave this kid no mercy when I visited him in the hospital.
I walked in the hospital and immediately I got strange looks from the people around me. I wasn't overly shocked, especially since it was from the male staff. I was wearing a short black skirt and this low cut tank top. Yeah it's fall but hey I like to look nice while I'm partying and I didn't exactly have time between hearing about Austin's shannagins and fist pumping to change my out-fit, I'm only human, but that's besides the point. Anyway, I made my way over to the front desk and asked the lady up there about Austin Brumley.
"He's in room eight-oh-nine, but honey the pregnancy wing is on the fourth floor..."
I gave her a confused look until I figured out what the hell she was talking about. This dumb bitch thought I was pregnant! I could feel my face heating up and before I knew it I was cussing her out left and right until the woman had a break down and I was forced to leave the area. Just cause I dress like a skank doesn't mean I am one, people need to get their facts right.
I walked down the hallway and pressed the elevator's up button and stepped in. I was alone, thank god, I had all this rage bottled up inside, it was awful. I was just so mad I thought I could kill someone. I felt like Dallas during a rumble, like Ponyboy when Britney got married for the second time, blowing up on someone was unavoidable, and that unfortunate soul that I flipped out was Austin.
I stormed into his room without knocking, I was a woman on a mission and I'll be damned if someone gets in my way. He was laying there in his bed playing with a...puppet? I wasn't about to ask I was just about to scream my head off.
I would just like to say that me and Austin have never really hung out before. Sure we were friendly and stuff but we weren't like really good friends before and he was pretty shocked to see me of all people here looking like I wanted to kill him.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, MAN?" I shouted as I charged across the room.
"Hey Angela?" He replied with a confused look his face. "Shut the door, if I'm about to be murdered I'd rather do it so no one can see that I got slaughtered by a chick, he joked."
He was kidding. KIDDING! At a time like this. He was so, so lucky he was in a hospital or my blind rage just may have taken over and killed him. I swear, sometimes when I get mad I'm a completely different person. It scares me to my inner core but I can't control it.
"STOP YOUR KIDDING! NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR KIDDING! ARE YOU CRAZY?!" I screeched waving my hands making crazy gestures that probably made me look stupid.
He just stared down at his little puppet. He looked so lost. Like a little kid looking for his mother. He had lost his way. Lord knows I had too many times to count but I was still pissed and I couldn't stop myself.
"Answer me or I may just fulfill your death wish and kill you myself! Being drunk does not give you the right to go around assaulting people, ya moron! Especially your girlfriend! You're throwing your life away, damn it, and I'm not just gonna sit back and watch a perfectly good person ruin it by not thinking!"
This whole time he didn't say a word. He just stared at his hands and finally he looked at me. His eyes had taken a pleading sad look to them. They weren't reckless or laughing. Just depressed. It made me annoyed that I noticed this because I hated emotions, they ruined everything. Emotions were like walls, you can push them down as many times as you want but they are still there waiting for the worst possible moment to come out and screw it all up and to think that this hooligan was screwing up his life just by one thoughtless action made me so mad I couldn't see. I think he realized how upset I was finally cause he decided to talk to me.
"I couldn't take it. Hurting her, I promised her I wouldn't and I did. I'm just not a good person, I don't deserve her or anybody Else's love. I deserve to die."
"Shut up, no you don't. You just need to get a hold of yourself and your emotions. Don't let your emotions control you and don't let your actions define you. You don't just stop living cause you make a mistake! You fight through it and don't take the easy way out. You may think killing yourself will be better for everyone, when in actuality you're causing everyone more pain. So either get help and listen to me or I can personally kick your ass; your choice pal." I was out of breath after that rant. I was much more calmed down now. I could finally see without black and red spots obstructing parts of my vision.
"Still, he said." "She won't want me now. I hurt her worse than just mentally. I physically hurt her. And that is just purely unacceptable." He practically whispered. He was so close to crying and I wasn't sure why but that made me incredibly sad. I barely knew this kid and I was being really sympathetic? Damn, I must be getting soft because I recommended him to my old therapist. I told him about how I used to cut myself and how I used to be anorexic. We talked a lot and he has agreed to get help. The rest of the time we focused on getting him a cookie because since he was on suicide watch he wasn't allowed anything from the outside, which explained the puppet. How you can kill yourself with a cookie is beyond me, but hey, rules are rules, and they're meant to be broken.
He is on the road to recovery mentally and he is a mess right now. We're one in the same and I now realize that.
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